Tu vivras à jamais dans mon coeur...

I was so lonely when I first came.
I hated the place,
I hated the work,
I hated the people,
I hate the country.
And I saw you,
White and furry,
"ferosh rather cute" with sharp bright eyes.

I don't remember how exactly since when
but I started feeding you,
therefore started our friendship,
a special bond that needs no common language to be made.

I still remember those fine summer days,
with flowers and grass and tree,
and the wind and the sun,
and you eating like there's no tomorrow next to me,
sometimes suddenly remember that you need to be adorable
in order to guarantee the next meals.

How much I miss it,
when you smoothly rubbed yourself around my feet,
leaving white furs all over my pants,
and meowed all the time ever since whenever you see me,
asking for croquets and pâtés.

Oh how can one forget,
the adorable you,
having your lazy nap in a nice warm afternoon,
with eyes closed tight,
and your chubby white body curled up
like a big white hairy ball right at the gate.

I will never forget that day,
the last day of October,
an extremely beautiful day,
with cool air, sun rays and the marvelous colour board of Autumn
when I knew that you were no longer there,
no longer sleeping lazily at the front gate,
no longer meowing asking for food,
no longer... no longer...

No longer loneliness.
No longer homeless nights, cold and wet, hungry and sad.

You were free,
though in the most painful way, but your soul can finally relax.
I believe in His Holiness,
I believe in Heaven.
Thus, as sad as I am and as many tears as I've shed,
I'm truly glad, knowing that you're happy and free up there,
with angels and saints, and spirits and souls.

I am sorry that in the last few weeks of your life, I tend to busy myself with things that shouldn't have occupied my life that much,
I am sorry that I indeed forgot about you a bit more often, thinking that you'd be fine as there were other nice people who also loved you just as much,
and
thank you,
for everything,
my little white cat.

I love you.

Adieu ma petite amie,
tu vivras à jamais dans mon coeur...

Please rest in peace,
and may God bless your soul.

Amen.

Le Voyage

Three years in a lifetime is like three seconds within a year.
Life is way longer than that.
I'm utterly grateful to be born a world traveler, an exciting life that many people are craving for.
Truly fascinating indeed, and also remain within, this constant depth of loneliness...

I am lonely.

This is the life that I chose. This is the decision that was made,
the path that was chosen to be taken.
I believe, you believe, we all believe that enduring these pains and sorrows will definitely lead us to happiness.
True.
And occasionally sad...

I keep on working, studying, exploring, trying to enjoy this life of a world traveler to the fullest,
partly just to cover this bleeding emptiness in my heart.

I wish to fall in love.

But the more I travel, more experience gained, more things observed, my insights of life are deepened.
All to make this heart closes itself more from others.

And even when I happened to fall in love,
I forbid myself for I'm wrapped with timid shyness and obsessed with a sad past of the heart.

But well, after all,
who can keep the rapid pace of such a world traveler, right?

Connection

In this summer heat,

the birds sing cheerfully,

the sun shines brightly,

and the people enjoy all of the above happily

here in the most-known romantic place in the world:

France.

I sit on the bus, looking up at the sky,

treasure every beauty that I find among nature

in this outskirt, far away from the urban life.

And once return, I let the air in, keep the sun out and lock myself up until duty calls.

Every day is the same.

I always stay in one place, do the same routine every day.

Everything is the same…

I seem immobile, but I am running away.

I avoid people, avoid getting more intimated with everyone except for 2,

I’ve been running and building the wall around me along the way.

That’s why my sleep is so deep these days.

For sleeping is the only ticket that allow me to travel out of this world for a short moment.

Oh le monde des rêves, tu es parfait!

Nothing could wake me up once I’m there.

But

I'm awake when my little phone vibrate silently in the depth of night

since I know that someone just sent me a message,

someone tried to reach me

and I'm still connected to this world.

I embrace those connections

for I yearn for a path that lead me out of this constant loneliness.

Outside, in the sky, summer is slowly lazing away...

C'est la vie! C'est l'amour!

At some points, I thought of life as a constant pain, a never-ending chain of sorrows and unfortunate events.

At many other points, I admit that life is actually very interesting, very nice, very bittersweet yet very worth living.

Since the creation of us Human, our ancestors, our great great super great grandfathers, father, brothers, friends, foes, lovers and ourselves have been striving to seek the meaning of life...

... and no one has ever succeeded

for Life can't be defined since everyone has their own Life

and for understanding one self is the most challenging task ever.

Life treats me terribly sometimes,

but still, I love my life

because it's wonderful to live

and to love

with all your heart.

Family,

Friends,

Trees,

Flowers,

Animals,

Water,

Sun,

Sky,

and even Strangers...

I love you!

Friendship

Some say love is forever,

I say friendships last eternal.

For love is a Rose full of thorns,

While friendship is a tender Violet.

One day...

The Rose will bloom into Happiness,

And the Violet will turn into You.

My dear friend...

Wings

Still wounded, but the little bird can't wait anymore.

She knows staying in a place, trying to tend her unexpected deep wound would not help at all!

It may hurt her a bit, but that doesn't mean she can't fly anymore.

She has to continue her journey, a journey that just only began.

I am a little bird.

With this pain, I will spread my wings wide, flying high to the sky, gliding with the wind, discovering new places, new people, new things...

Maybe there will be more pain as well, but that's how I learn.

The pain will gradually be faded, and my heart will rejoice again.

I will fly with those wings,

the wings of tomorrow...

Kiss Me Good Bye

Kiss Me Goodbye
Artist: Angela Aki
Composer: Nobuo Uematsu

You say my love is all you need
To see you through
But I know these words are not quite true

Here is the path you’re looking for
An open door
Leading the worlds you long to explore

Go, if you must move on alone
I’m gonna make it on my own

Kiss me good-bye, love’s memory
Follow your heart and find your destiny
Don’t shed a tear, for love’s mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

As time goes by I know you’ll see this of me
And I loved enough to let you go free

Go, I will give you wings to fly
Cast all your fears into the sky

Kiss me good-bye, love is mystery
All of my life, I’ll hold you close to me
Don’t shed a tear, for love’s mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

Kiss me good-bye, love’s memory
You put the dream in my reality

Eyes On Me

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy?
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?
Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I love your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then I will know
that you are no dreamer

Eyes On Me

A Prayer From An Angry Heart

Poor little creatures

who do not know the art of communication,

the beauty of respect,

and the nobleness of being tactful,

may God bless your sorry souls,

for being loved by others is such a challenge in your petite life.

And may Him gift me with such forgiveness,

since to err is human,

to forgive, divine...

Amen.

Snow

The Snow is falling,

and so am I.

But Snow falls on the ground

and melt into the Earth.

I fall in love

and melt into You.

Listen To Your Heart

Listen to your heart

for it knows what is best for you.

Listen to your heart

since it is the soul of your body.

Listen to your heart

as it is indeed the most sane and conscious part of your blinded mind.

Listen to your heart

and be in love...

My Definition of Love

What is love?

I don't know! There's no answer to that mysterious question. Everyone has their own definitions of love.

For me, love is father,

mother,

siblings,

pets,

your noisy and heartily neighbour,
your over-confident yet loyal friend,

your short-tempered but super nice classmate.

Moreover, it is

an old couple walking hand-in-hand in a park under the tranquil light of an autumn afternoon, speaking no words;
a five-year-old girl who doesn't care a tiny bit about her stained dress since cuddling with that lost fluffy puppy is the best thing in the world;

a young mother who teaches her little children to share their toys with those kids who live at that run-down apartment;

a father who has to leave his important project at the middle of his brainstorming just to drag his teenage daughter back and forth a birthday party of her "BFF";
and the existence of the world itself.

Because if there's no love at all, humankind would be extincted long ago, isn't it? Since humans are the worst killers ever existed...

So for those souls who find themselves saddened by the sight of "love is in the air" on that very lover-dovey day, don't be! The tradition of Valentine's Day was mainly invented and maintained just a few decades ago by Hallmark, Hershey, Lindt and all those giant confectionery/ cards companies. Now you should already smell "business" here instead of chocolate and roses.

And for those who are already "unavailable", you don't need a Valentine's Day at all, do you?

For TRUE love has been there forever...

Happy Valentine's Day! For the love that I have for you my friends, always and ever!

Yuki

I am so sick. It's been over 2 weeks now since my mildest symptoms. Bluche hates me. I've been enjoying the last 19 years healthily 'til I came to this winter wonderland. I am even more acquainted with the school staff and the doctors more than my peers. Geez...

I've been thinking and keeping this inside for so long, but it's getting to a point that I can't help but blurt it out on my personal blog, not for the whole world to criticize and discuss but to organize this whole mess swirling together with my neuro (however you spell its plural noun...): I feel like I'm one of the few last ones of my generation who's still single. Of course I'm not comparing myself with thousands of millions of those nineteen-year-old people across the globe, but it still feels awkward when I look around: my high school bastards, my current colleagues; one of them even got engaged to be probably married next year!! Being the one who sees the cup half-full, I still can't insist wondering if there really is something which creates these little obstacles preventing me hand-in-hand with someone? Certainly I'm not desperate for a boyfriend, I'm just blaming my natural hormones that are pushing me to seek for the opposite sex: basic instinct. That was a pretty good excuse, right?
Right! I've been babbling again. I really need to turn in for now, dreaming and weaving my blending emotions and self-phylosophized ideas about this stupid but always been there question:
What is love?

The snow is still falling outside.

Setting On A New Journey

Yes, I am returning to that peaceful village of which name is not even on Swiss map. Yay!

I'm feeling damn bored and confused and bored. Did I mention "bored"?

Hey my perfect cousin, sorry for complaining so much about everything but I'm not as perfect as you are, and since the only things that can relieve me from this everlasting boredom are endless complaints, what else shall I do? Making this place full of alcoholics and party animals more amusing and livable? Since one-sided complaints won't harm any one's well-being, it's OK to revise them once in a while, isn't it?
Well things will turn out right for me at the end, as usual, as I know it should be. So be it!

Dad's advise of going to English-speaking countries to have an internship delight me. Hmph so it's not a matter of distance and finance, but an opportunity of learning and exploring. I sure got all those DNAs from him. =D

Everything will be all right! Everything will be all right!
And I'm never alone. I'm not the only one.

So everything will definitely be all right.

Cheers!!!

New Year. New Hope. New Life.

Today is 01.01.10. Finally another new year has come, the last one of the first decade of this century. So much has happened in 2009, more than I've ever recalled in my over 19 years of life: happy moments, unexpected and continuous unfortunate events, slapping truths, heart-breaking realization... For all those to occur in just a year seems too much. I was resentful at first, but gradually becoming more accepting and, indeed, grateful. I have changed a great deal. I'm not any more perfect than the old me, but one thing for sure: I've grown. My immature, limited ways of thinking has been replaced by that wiser insight of a more thoughtful mind. I learned how to care more about the ones I love from even trivial matters, I think further away in case the worst circumstances appear, I live unselfishly but never forget about myself. I speak the truth and not afraid of them...

Another year. Probably another me. Who knows? We never know! Only Him who decides it all knows. That's what makes life interesting. May 2010 be way better and happier than 2009 and may love be spread wider all over the world and deeper inside every heart.

Happy New Year everyone!